The Perfect Divorce

I got married in August of last summer. It was a beautiful, small wedding at a local restaurant that hubby and I really like, with a few select friends and family members and no clergy. I wore flowers in my hair and we danced the night away.
I'm getting carried away... This post isn't about my wedding, or my marriage.

I, like hubby and millions of others, am from a broken home. My parents divorced when I was ten and we've been raised primarily by my mother. My father was an anecdote through much of my teenage years. These past few years, we've grown closer, mostly due to Skype and cheap long distance rates. We talk on the phone almost daily.
Amazingly, through all these years and despite the ocean between them, my parents have grown closer, remembering and rekindling their friendship. Despite the fact that their marriage may have not worked out for the best, "till death do us part" and all that, they are still the friends they were years ago. And they share two kids and years of history.

This morning I picked my dad up from the airport. He's on a two week visit to Israel and it's great to see him. And while most people wouldn't come near their ex-es with a stick, my dad's first stop is my mom's house (and the falafel place down the street from her!). We just got back home from a wonderful dinner at a restaurant together - the four of us - my mom, dad, brother and myself. They laughed and bantered throughout dinner, joking about how many years they'd be married if... (31) and how many years they've been divorced (18). As we were about to order coffee and dessert my mom asks my dad what flavor ice cream. "37 years of marriage and you still have to ask?!" he teased her.
"Nu...(c'mon!) Aren't you going to put sugar in your coffee?" she asks as he takes a sip sans sugar.
"No. No more sugar in my coffee."
"See, things change." she retaliates.
"Not ice cream. Chocolate. Always chocolate." He replies with a laugh.

As we sat at that table for over three hours, laughing, joking and talking, at one point my brother turned to me and said, "We may not have been given a good example of a happy, successful marriage, but we sure learned how to do the divorce right!" Grrr... gotta love my brother. Hit the nail on the head. Seriously, with today's divorce rates, while I wish everyone a truly happy marriage, if that doesn't work out, I can at least wish you a wonderful divorce - just like my parents'!

The 2cm Dilema

You thought that... I didn't say it... 

But, anyway. Remember that about a month and a bit, we moved into a new apartment? Well, it's really starting to become a home, except for one not so tiny issue we still can't get around. Our washing machine, which we meticulously measured to make sure it would fit in the bathroom, won't fit through the door of the bathroom. Because we obviously didn't notice how narrow the door is. So, for the past month and a half we've had our washing machine sit in the middle of our living room, barely 2 centimeters wider than our bathroom doorway. All of this while the pile of laundry continues to grow and we're nearing the end of our pile of socks and underwear... 

At first, we tried to remove the bulky door. Ok, 4 cm less but we still needed to lose a bit more. We removed the pipes coming out of the back of the washing machine and gave it another try. Then we tried tilting it on it's side and bringing it in on a slight angle. I couldn't help but remember the episode of "Friends" in which Ross and Rachel take their new couch home, climbing up the stairs as Ross yells "Pivot! Pivot!" That's kinda what this felt like. Only heavier than a couch. 

Almost three hours of frustration and we finally returned the washing machine to the living room. We're down to two options - cutting part of the door frame or buying a new machine. I'm partial to the second option so in the meantime I've advertised ours, hoping at least to make up some of the cost of a new machine. 

In the spirit of learning from our mistakes, I've learned that it isn't enough to measure that a piece of furniture fits into a spot - you've also got to make sure you can fit it through the doorway! And with life too short to make all the mistakes on our own, I encourage you to learn from mine... 

Adventures in Cooking - Fried Rice Without Rice

It seems like everyone these days is on some sort of dietary craze - be it for the weight loss, the health benefits or just because they are curious to try something new out.

Hubby and I are both hi-tech workers, meaning that we spend most of our day on our butt and lunch is usually take out from one of many local greasy spoons or cafeterias in the area. Not the best diet. So, at home, at least, I try to get us to eat a bit healthier. Last night's dinner was quite successful and much better received than I expected. Also, cheap, quick and really easy to make.

Rice was replaced by thinly grated cauliflower. I bought a medium sized head and chopped it up in my Swizz Pro. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Swizz Pro, it's basically a mini, hand operated blender. Probably one the best purchases I've ever made. It's only got three pieces - the bowl, the blade and the lid - so it's really easy to clean, store and use.

Anyway, one head finely chopped cauliflower, some diced up veggies - I used a bell pepper, zucchini, an onion and two carrots. Add a sausage for some protein, soy sauce to taste and you've got yourself a really good meal in no time.

I tossed the cauliflower separately from the veggies, although if I wanted to skimp on doing dishes, I could have done it all in one large wok. If you do decide to do this in one pan, I'd leave the cauliflower for last, as it cooked super fast due to it's large surface area to volume ratio.

The dish was surprisingly well received by hubby, who helped himself to seconds. I was happily surprised as he's usually big on carbs and doesn't consider something a satisfying meal without it. This will definitely be gracing our palates again!

The Wedding Dress Handover

Sewing one's own wedding dress is a big endeavor, stressful and frightening. That's nothing compared to sewing someone else's wedding dress. Throw in the opportunity to deal with Bridezillas and you'll quickly understand why I never wanted to be a professional seamstress.

So when a friend called me up, crying that her e-bay ordered dress had arrived and it was *sob* hideously *sob* ugly *sniff*... I couldn't let her keep crying like that. I offered to come by and see how horrible it really was. And it was. The fabrics were cheap costume fabrics, stiff and not at all flowing like in the original images she showed me. The cut and fit were awful, enveloping her thin waist line in layers of tulle that stiffly stood out, making her appear much heavier than her petite frame really is. She looked at me hopefully as she asked if there was anything I could do to help, make it better. I told her it would probably be easier to start over and I'd be happy to help. Seconds after the words tumbled out of my mouth I realized that I probably shouldn't have said that. Her eyes lit up and I knew I had offered more than I had bargained for. 

Over the past two months, while in the midst of packing up one home and creating another, I diligently worked on her dress during my nights and weekends. We did fittings, redesigns and more fittings before she started to look happy about the dress. On Saturday evening I painfully hand stitched the lining of the dress and the back closure, putting on the final details. A quarter to midnight, I called her up to tell her the dress was finally done and ready for her. She was ecstatic and I could hear it in her voice. 

I'm sure that her Sunday was longer than mine as she waited for me to finish work and the gym. On my way home, I picked her up, bringing her to my house to see the finished dress. Still shy in front of me, she quickly changed into the dress. I zipped her up, tied the sash around her waist and pointed her towards the mirror. It felt great just to see her face light up like that. She looked radiant and beautiful in a form fitting dress that accented her petite figure, elegantly elongating her. 

As she walked into our living room, my hubby smiled, complimenting her on how beautiful she looked. She blushed and I have to admit, it felt good to see her so happy. I gently packed the dress so she could take it home in preparation of the upcoming wedding.

This morning, I woke up to a sweet text from her - "Good morning. Wanted to thank you for all the work you did. The dress is wonderful! I couldn't have asked for anything more beautiful!" It made me feel all warm inside and happy that I agreed to do this for her. Her smile, happiness and appreciation are the best payment. 

(I promise to post pictures of her in the dress after her wedding at the end of the month!)

On Keeping An Old Friend

I met Sara when I was in my freshman year at university. Distraught over having failed my calculus 101 midterm, she was there to help me through the emotional aspect of failing at something for the first time. (She was just as bad at calculus as I was, if not worse. That was the second time she was taking the course.) She and I clicked and became instant best friends. We started doing everything together - studying, shopping, gossiping... We fought like sisters but could never hold a grudge and we grew to know, understand and accept each other's strengths and faults. I learned how to deal with her tendency to be late. She learned to deal with my hunger based mood swings.

She taught me a lot, including patience. I stood by her when she dropped out of the Technion. I introduced her to the man who would later become her husband. When she got married a few years ago, I was her rock, helping wherever she needed it. I threw her the batchelorette party of her dreams.

Over the past year or so, our relationship has been really hard on me. When I got married last summer, she volunteered to take care of my bachelorette party, but ended up dumping most of the work on others, myself included. I can forgive the fact that she was stressed with her own life - at the time she was working on her final project for her degree and trying to get pregnant (she's still trying to get pregnant), and I thought that after my wedding and her graduation, things would go back to normal... But they didn't.

She's started working two part time jobs, less than 30 hours a week, compared to the 45-50 hours I give at the office. And despite the fact that she doesn't work full time, she never seems to have time for me. And honestly, I could forgive her that, as well. What I can't forgive is how she's become very egocentric. Her world revolves around her and she doesn't see others.

Last Sunday, I called Sara up to see how her weekend had gone. She didn't answer and didn't return my call. I got a hold of her on Monday, when she barely had a minute to talk. She told me she was stressed and wanted to talk and how about we get together on Tuesday, as she gets off work early that day. Ok, it's been a fortnight since I saw her and beyond the tones of distress in her voice, she said she needed to talk. I told hubby to cancel our double date at the movies with another couple so that I could meet her after work. The clock had barely struck 6 pm on Tuesday evening when she called to cancel - less than half an hour before our appointed meeting time. She claimed to have a headache and needed to rest.

The next evening, I called her up after work to see how she was feeling. Sounds of laughter and partying drifted through her phone as she said in a rushed voice "can't speak, will call you later" and hung up. Needless to say, she didn't call me later that day or since.

These past few months, this scene has replayed itself, over and over - she and I arrange to meet and moments before, she ends up cancelling, thinking I'll understand because she doesn't feel good and I can't blame her. But the moment she needs a shopping buddy, or wants someone to foot the bill for sushi, I'm the one she calls. What about those days when I want someone to talk to...? She's hard to get a hold of and when I finally do, it's all about her and her needs.

It's not the first time I've considered ending our friendship, but then I keep thinking back to all our good years together - all the happy times we've shared, the sad times where we supported each other, the things we've taught each other. Is this the best thing to do? Should I tell her how I feel and put a cold end to it or just actively let things drift apart, leaving room for rekindling in the future?